Still Thinking – Forgiveness

Several years ago the celebrated atheist Richard Dawkins wrote an important book titled The Selfish Gene. In fact, Dawkins coined the term, “the selfish gene” no such idea existed before the book was published in 1976.  The book made a significant impact in the fields of both evolutionary biology and cultural development.  Naming a particular gene selfish was problematic because as Dawkins and others explained, genes have no will or moral motivation, rather they are “selfish” in the sense that the genes that replicate and are passed on are those that serve the best interest of the organism to which they belong – hence selfish.

Self-interest or selfishness has not had a good press in the Christian tradition.  Most of us were taught that to put one’s self before others was wrong, even sinful.  From a young age children are taught to share and to put others first and that selfishness should be punished or at least corrected.  And yet there is also the opposite view that the child must learn to be assertive and stand up to bullies and those who would exploit them.  And we know that our society relishes competition and glorifies winners and barely tolerates a looser.

There is no denying that Dawkins’ “selfish gene” is essential to the survival of the human species and active in the healthy human being and that even acts of bravery and altruism can be in fact, self-serving, perhaps not observable in the immediate context but later in a larger vision of life.  A healthy Christian view of life finds nothing wrong with that.  The central tenant of the Christian faith is to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind and your neighbour as yourself.”  I think it is fair to say that loving my neighbour is often in my and the neighbours, best interest.

An example of this reciprocity comes from the considerable research done in recent years on the therapeutic value of forgiveness.   If one was to choose the opposite emotions to forgiveness they would be anger, hate, revenge or resentment.  It doesn’t take much imagination to recognize the damage these emotions do to ourselves and to those around us. It could be suggested that to forgive is an act of selfishness because I may get more benefit from it than the person I am forgiving.  Letting go of grudges and bitterness can open the way for experiences of compassion, kindness and peacefulness and it takes me out of the role of victim and empowers me to act with courage and assertiveness.

Katherine Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic in the USA recognizes that forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

But it is important to note that forgiveness is a process rather than merely an event.  We have all heard someone say, “just forgive and forget!” We also know that that is not so simple.  Cheap or easy forgiveness neither helps the victim nor the villain.  It may be just a way of avoiding conflict or burying a deep hurt.  True forgiveness takes time.  When we have been wounded or we have wounded another, it is legitimate to wait until that wound has begun to heal and we are less vulnerable.  Nevertheless, there is a time to forgive.  The Catholic priest Henri Nouwen said it this way:

Finally, it demands of me that I step over that wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I am asked to forgive and forgive them.

Christopher